I feel like
My friends all around me are in grad school, working on major career moves, getting engaged, or having babies. (Sweet, precious babies that I'm so glad I got to be one of the first to welcome into the world!)
What have I done? Well...I've learned to make wreaths. And that's about it.
Really. Last Friday night was spent having dinner with my mom, then I came home and made a wreath for one of my best friends. While I enjoyed both activities, they're rather lonely and highly uneventful compared to what those around me have been doing lately.
I need more in my life. I don't know what is missing, or even that it is one thing in particular, but I'm just not fulfilled. I'm proud to be a nurse and I love my job but my job isn't the definition of my life and it isn't enough for me.
At this time last year, I was searching for the house I would call a home with my then boyfriend who I hoped would soon be my fiance. I imagined I'd be starting grad school this fall and potentially start planning a wedding.
My house rarely sees more signs of life beyond just me. My boyfriend and I broke up at the end of the year and I haven't been on a single date since. Dating scared me for a very long time, and even just the thought of it hurt me for several months. I didn't want to date, I wanted to be with the man I had already decided I'd spend the rest of my life with. I've since gotten over the pain and fear of the thought of dating, but I still wouldn't call myself ready to "actively look" and join dating websites or beg one of my engaged/married friends to find a single guy to set me up with. My last two relationships both happened on a whim, and I'm trusting my next one will too. I'm still young and in no real rush just yet. As far as grad school goes, I'm so ready to start. I'm thirsty for knowledge and to have even more letters behind my name. RN, BSN just isn't enough. The problem? I don't know what I want to do or who I want to be when I grow up and that's kind of a big deal when it comes to nursing grad school. It is very specified and narrow unlike having your undergrad where possibilities are limitless.
For now, I'm quenching my thirst for knowledge in my current field. I've agreed to join the Cardiac Team within our NICU and that requires several classes and certifications in itself. After the start of the year, I will be eligible to become certified in neonatal nursing. RNC-NIC will be 6 more letters I can add to my name for only a few hundred dollars and hours of studying. I've also just recently been asked and agreed to become a preceptor and train a new nurse for the last 8 of her 16 weeks of orientation. We have roughly 300 nurses on staff in the NICU alone, so to be asked to do this is an honor in my eyes. Of the people asked to do it, I have the least amount of experience and I've never done it before. I'm nervous about and looking forward to the opportunity! I know I will learn so much through teaching. I hope it will be an enjoyable journey for both of us! I'm wonderful friends with the girls that trained me, and I can only hope to have the same bond with the one I train!
Here's to hoping the next 4 months (my favorite months at that!) are more exciting and eventful than the last 4 have been!
4 months really have flown by. I have a baby to show for it, but not much else. A job that ended - leaving us with one income as we start our family. A guest room and an office still incomplete. A dog that still hates everyone, despite the hundreds of dollars we spent on training. Not a single friend, club, or activity found since moving to Frisco.
ReplyDeleteSo you see, EVERYONE is in a similar boat. Enjoy your down time because who knows how crazy the next four months will be.
And getting all of these huge life milestones done doesn't make anyone more advanced in life than you. It doesn't make anyone more experienced or more "successful" at life. It just means they/we will have longer midlife crisis moments when your life is taking off and we're sitting at home with screaming children and no lives wondering where our youth went and being envious of all the fun you're having.
I think the mid-twenties are made for all of us to feel stuck, one way or another.
Keep blogging!